Disconnect
by TremendouslyMental
Summary: "I will never love someone as much as I do her... She loves me." "I never want to see her face again." There's two sides to every relationship. T for coarse language and abuse. Based off of Deja Vu by Circus-P. Negitoro, twoshot.
1. Love

**A/N:** If you have not listened to Deja Vu by Circus-P, then please go listen to it before reading.

* * *

The door opens, only to slam shut not a second later.

I can hear the crash of thunder in the sky. That same, chilly rain is about to start falling.

As she walks into my room, her angry footsteps reverberating through the flat, I feel myself go back in time.

It's always like this.

I'm always on my bed, playing with my phone, when, at six o'clock sharp, the door opens, then slams shut, and then she walks into my bedroom, only to scowl at me and accuse me of things I haven't done…

It's toxic.

It's a toxic relationship. We keep hurting each other. I don't know what I've done. But I know it's hurting her. And her pain is hurting me.

Why does this keep happening? I know I don't want this. I know she doesn't want this. No matter how many nasty words she spews, words that crash down onto my heart like lightning, I can see it in her eyes. She's hurting. I'm hurting. We are both hurting.

I look up at her, boring into her darkened, angry eyes with my tired own. The patter of heavy rain and the clap of the lightning outside serve as the perfect soundtrack to our play.

...Ah. She hasn't spoken yet. It's one of those moments.

Her eyes never leaving mine, she roughly approaches me, grabbing me by the collar forcefully and pulls me into herself. I let her act out her part. I know what's coming next, anyway.

Her lips capture mine. Her kiss is gentle and emotional, like she's pouring out all her emotions to me. I kiss her back with the same tenderness, the same emotions flowing through me and out to her.

I wait for the moment to fall apart.

I hear her breathing get heavier, the arm that is holding me to her by the collar tremble as its grip tightens. Without warning, she pushes me away from her violently, like she was disgusted that she'd even dared to touch me in the first place.

"Y-You… I hate you!" she yells, dropping me back onto the bed. Monotonously, I raise my head up to meet hers, only to be met by a fist. My head snaps to my left as her fist connects with my cheek. I inhale and scrunch my face up, a sharp, metallic taste flooding my mouth.

She's broken one of my teeth.

I spit the mixture of blood and spit onto the hardwood floor.

The stain from the last time I'd done that still isn't completely gone.

Not wasting a second, she forces my head back up, and gives me a slap to the same side of my face that she'd just punched. I wince at the pain, feeling more blood seep into my mouth. I swallow it down, my still eyes continuing to focus on her frantic ones.

She just looks at me, before groaning and throwing me down onto the bed once more. As I get up, she paces around the room, once, twice, then sits on the far edge of the bed.

"Y-You… you bitch!" I don't even need to see her face to know that she is snarling at me. "What did I do to you, huh? Why do I have to suffer because you can't keep it in your pants? I threw away everything, my friends, my family, my town, even my own kitten for you, only to have you repay it by cheating on me!?"

"I swear, I haven't-"

"Oh, cut the crap, you slag. Kaito told me himself. 'Boss is paying me extra to stay back and help' my ass. No-one told me that 'help' meant 'fuck his brains out'!"

I sigh. I wait for her to speak again. There's one more thing she's going to say before I can play my role once more.

"...Why are you still here?" she says, her voice breaking in the middle of the sentence. She buries her face into her hands, curling up into a ball.

I know why I'm still here. I love her. I didn't cheat. I never will cheat. I adore her. I will die for her. I will take any pain she has. I will kill anyone who hurts her.

Sometimes, I wish I could just die. She would never have to see my face again, never have to feel the insufferable pain she surely goes through just by glimpsing my beaten face.

But, even though we've lost our way, I know that my existence means something to her. If I go, her heart will smash into pieces. There is a part of her that loves me, needs me, very deep down inside of her.

If there wasn't, why would she still be here?

I breathe in, remembering the words I have to say. "I didn't cheat. Kaito is talking bullshit, and I know that you can tell. I love you will all your heart, and I will do anything for you." I say it slowly and deliberately, my voice cracking and breaking with every word. An unshed tear threatens to fight its way down my cheek.

This sets her off again. She stands up and paces around the room, ruffling a hand through her hair and muttering. I can't tell whether her incomprehensible words are directed towards me or herself.

We will stay in this room until morning six in the morning, when she leaves to go to her job, and I will continue my search for another one. Then, at six o'clock sharp, the door will open, only to slam shut not a second later, restarting the cycle, the cycle of breaking each other until one of us goes down, just like the lightning outside.

This relationship is a cage, and I'm trapped in here with her.

We have lost our way.

And, until one of us breaks the cycle, we are lost, and we are trapped.

...I want it to work. I will never want anything to work as much as I want this to work. These feelings will not subside for as long as my heart continues to beat in my chest.

But we can't go back to the way we were before, no matter how much I hope and pray.

So, we're trapped in here. For good.

* * *

The next day, she doesn't come back at six.

For the first time since this cycle started, I cry.


	2. Hate

Go on. Bring on the excuses.

Does she think I'm stupid or something? Because I'm not. Kaito told me _himself_ what they used to do after work, when she told me that she's got to stay behind to do "extra work". He said, all proudly and standing tall, that she came onto him and kept flirting with him and tried rubbing herself against him and seduced him and practically forced him to put his dick inside her.

I can't believe I wasted, what, two years of my life on her. I remember coming out to my family, my oh-so-conservative, devout Catholic family, letting them know that their only daughter was gay. I bet you can imagine how swimmingly that went.

My friends shunned me too, like I was a parasite. One of them even said to me, and I quote, that she didn't want to catch my "disease". 'Course, they left me too, after that.

And the gods above didn't even think that being disowned by the people who gave me life and being socially excluded was enough. Imagine my surprise when I found a fucking eviction notice taped to my door. I can't say I didn't expect it - back then, my parents paid my rent - but it still hurt. So, instead of wallowing about in misery like a coward would, I went with "the love of my _shitty_ life" and moved to a whole different town where no-one knew who we were.

But even _that_ wasn't enough, was it? 'Cos then I go and adopt a cat, thinking it would make our lives better, only to find out that she's "deathly allergic" to the things, and then I'm forced to go and leave it in a box on the highway.

And then it all goes crashing down, this whole new life I crafted for _us_ , just 'cos she didn't have the guts to look me in the eye and tell me that girls don't do it for her.

I'm not even joking, everything would be all fine and dandy if she did. The _love_ I had for her is well and truly gone. My family would be overjoyed that I've gone back to normal, and would happily start paying for a flat for me. And my friends would take me back with open arms, too. I'd be able to get a cat as well, one that I could own and cherish until its very last breath.

And that would be epic.

But, nah. I'm not gonna go and leave her here, like I'm sure she wants me to. 'Cos if I do that, then I've lost.

When she stops trying to trick me into thinking that she didn't do anything wrong, _then_ I'll leave. 'Cos, by not admitting it, she's basically telling me that I deserve all of this. And I'm _pretty_ _sure_ that I don't.

I have a job (she was fired from hers after her slutty tendencies came to light), which means that I have to leave the flat by six every morning. I come back at six sharp in the evening, and she's always just sat there on her phone, probably texting some random guy she wants to hook up with.

And then she treats what happens when I get back like it's the fucking norm.

I don't know what's wrong with her. You know what? I bet she's just a freeloader. During the day, when I'm working my ass off to feed us, I bet she goes out to bars and get drunk and seduces guys and fucks them silly then comes back here and tries and makes herself look all innocent. In reality, she couldn't be anything further from _innocent._

And then she has the fucking nerve to go and tell _me_ that I'm the one in the wrong here. Can you _believe_ her?

I fell in love with a fucking _slut_. It's like the gods _want_ me to go through hell before going to heaven.

The love is gone now. Sometimes, I even make her think that I return her stupid feelings. 'Cos it's funny to watch her cry, and bitch deserves it.

She's the same as one of those games where you have to get the stuffed animal with that claw. You know, the rigged ones. I'm the player, trying to get her, the toy, with the slippery claw, so that I've not wasted my time or my money. She doesn't let me speak, since the plastic walls around her don't let her listen to me. She just wants me to lose.

Everything's her fault. If she didn't even exist, then I wouldn't have wasted my time trying to get her. And then, my life would be just about perfect.

And then she doesn't even try and fix things. I, at least, you know, _try_. I've tried being gentle with her, I've tried shouting, I've even _punched_ her once or twice, but she still gives me that same bullshit she's been spouting since I found out about what she did. She doesn't want to budge.

She's the one who started it. But then she doesn't want to end it.

At first, I was a fucking mess. Like, I thought that maybe _I'd_ done something wrong. But then, after thinking it over, it all seemed like she wanted to smash my heart up into pieces just so she could sing about it to all her boyfriends.

And then she's the one who starts everything all over again. If she'd just get lost and get _out of my life_ then all of this shit would be resolved. But she isn't budging, and is, therefore, trying to pick a fight with with _me_. And I'm gonna fucking win if it's the last thing I ever do.

She's the one who dropped me into this pile of shit and left me be, so I'm gonna pull myself out. I have a plan. And, thank _god_ , she isn't a part of it.

She'll never be a part of my life again after this. I pray for the son of a bitch that has to put up with her from now on.

* * *

I did it. I left her.

...I left her.

Imagine the look on her face when I didn't go strolling into the house at six.

Actually, no. I don't wanna see her face. 'Cos I fucking hope I never have to see that bitch again.

* * *

 **A/N:** Two people in the same relationship could have completely different ideas of what's going on.

Thanks for reading! if you liked it or have a question or anything, leave a review! All of them make my day :D


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